Buddy, Bored, Jerk, Empowered

A year ago, I had someone use a similar graph that I included below, to talk about leadership and its influence.  At the very center of the graph is the coordinate (0, 0).  As someone grows in their RELATIONSHIP with others in a positive direction, they go up vertically.  The opposite is also true – If a leader has none or a negative relationship with people, they go down vertically.  This concept also applies for the horizontal line (CHALLENGE).  If there is no challenge, influence goes into a negative category.  Likewise, if challenge is present, influence increases.

The four categories (Buddy, Bored, Jerk, and Empowering) describe the type of influence you have with any given person. 

BUDDY – If you have a high level of relationship with someone, but relatively no challenge, you will have a “Buddy” relationship with that person.  You may be friends (or kind acquaintances) but there is no real life change occurring. 

BORED - If you have a negative relationship and no challenge, you’re considered as “Bored” or “Boring.”  People really don’t want to be with or around you.

JERK – If you are a challenging person – the type that likes to challenge people to grow in a positive manner – but you have no (or a negative) relationship with someone, you are viewed as a “Jerk.”  While you have a positive level of challenge, you have no real influence because you are missing the positive relationship.

EMPOWERING – As a leader, if you have both a positive level of relationship and challenge, you are known as “Empowering.”  As a result of having a relationship, as well as presenting challenges for personal growth, you have influence that is life changing.

This concept relates to us as a Christian.  It relates to Elders, Staff, Deacons, Teachers, Servers… to everyone in the church.  Think about one relationship you have with someone in our congregation and one relationship with someone outside of our congregation (maybe someone at work or a friend).  Where would you place yourself on the graph above in regards to those relationships?  Where do you think those people would place you?  This simple graph has helped me to take a close look at me and my interactions with people.  In the past, I admit that most of my relationships tended to be in the Buddy category.  I had high levels of relationship, but I was not challenging people to grow.  So while I had a lot of positive relationships, those relationships never produced life change (or fruit).  I had the mentality, “I will plant seeds, but I might never see the fruit.”  This mentality is the reality for anyone living as a “Buddy.”  You can plant seeds by talking positively about Jesus or the local church or about your own life, but until you present a challenge, you will not see the results. 

I have a feeling that most Christians tend to live in the “Buddy” category.  I lived there for years.  In many relationships, I’m still there.  But I have seen in my own life that as I add challenge to my positive relationships, growth happens, fruit is produced, and I get to celebrate in that harvest (life change).

Ephesians 5:8-17

"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord.  Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.  It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.  But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.  This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

Be very careful, then, how you live —not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. "